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Yumiko's Top Priorities

Junk Mail Must Stop

Of all the atrocities I see before me, none disgusts me more than junk mail and all its inbred cousins -- telemarketing, spam, pop-up adds, that stupid chime you hear now whenever you make a long distance call, even the fact that all the bowl games aren't the "Obscure Bowl" anymore, but are the "Confederated Products Obscure Bowl." It's like they're trying to find every last spot on this wall of a planet to tack an ad to, and they're succeeding. It's intrusive, insanely inefficient, a waste of time and paper, and it makes most people furious. Do you read me? I don't want to be informed of your 'great' offers. I don't want to open my mailbox to find an informational packet about long distance. And, most of all, I don't want you to call me telling me I've been pre-approved to dig myself into debt with your credit card.

So, to combat this onslaught of propaganda, I'm offering a set of incentives to companies that find alternative, less obtrusive methods of selling their products:

• If a company refrains from resorting to junk mail, telemarketing, and the like, I will reward them by not hunting them down personally and killing them in their sleep.
• Actually, that's the only incentive. But it's a big one, eh?