Ky Editor-in-chief Current Residence: Cedarburg WI, USA Education: Served a 4-year sentence at the Valparaiso Correctional Facility Birthday: February 10 Favorite Color: Purple A Quote: "In the dark, no one can hear you scream." Role Models: Shigeru Miyamoto, Masahiro Sakurai, Douglas Adams

The most logical explanation for Ky's existance is that he was born on the wrong planet. While this has been quite a burden to bear, it is not without reward as he could easily crush the feeble-minded Earthlings he deals with every day with little or no effort.

Although he knows it is his destiny to one day rule the planet, he has chosen to wait until the right moment and pass the time by playing video games 24 hours a day, pausing only to stop at all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets and gorge himself until his hunger is abated. He is also well-trained in the ancient sacred art of Flute-fu, is a ninja, and has memorized the entire Unicode standard.

He contends that he is better than you, and your mamma.

Glen Guest Writer Current Residence: Cedarburg WI, USA Education: Conquered Gratu-IU, and took no prisoners Birthday: May 24 Favorite Color: Forest Green A Quote: "Yes, I'm a vegetarian, but I'll make an exception for your baby." Role Models: Stravinsky, Bach, any animal that appeared on When Animals Kill.

Shortly after birth, Glen was sold into slavery on the pirate ship Blood Vengeance, where he quickly learned not to trust talking fish and the wretched undead. It was also during this time that he was first exposed to drunken sea chants -- an experience which led to the knowledge of his sacred quest: to free music land from the demons which ruled it. Instead, it appears he asked to join their ranks, and as an encore, he assasinated the Queen of England, twice, on Christmas.

Yumiko Guest Writer / Interviews Current Residence: Kyoto, Japan Education: Studied at the Hiragana School of Ninja-Fu. Birthday: October 2 Favorite Color: Yellow A Quote: "He who interrupts the Ninja's dinner to sell long-distance has signed his own death warrant." Role Models: Li Mu Bai, Zeratul, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Sir Lancelot Blood Type: O-

Yumiko's career started out in the company of Ramza Belouve, during the time of the Lion War. It is here that she first mastered the ways of the Ninja, and, on the side, mastered the ways of the Knight, Monk, Chemist, Geomancer, Oracle, and Samurai. She swore to seek ritualistic blood vengeance for each of the seven thousand main characters that were killed in the ordeal. Since then, she has studied both the musical and martial arts of the shakuhachi, as well as particle physics and cooking. Along the way, she has constantly been confronted by her evil rival older sister, Sakura, of the Katakana School of Ninja-Fu.

From her extensive training, Yumiko soon found herself at the head of the Japanese government, serving as Shogun, Prime Minister, and High Priestess. During her reign, the Japanese forged a prosperous alliance with the Sioux, crushed the Roman empire, and cured cancer by 1800. She also once kidnapped the President of the United States of America, and is now running for the position herself.

Johnny Smash Danger Man Current Residence: New York City, USA Education: Finished eighth grade and is functionally literate. Birthday: December 31 Favorite Color: Safety Orange A Quote: "YEAH!!! X-TREME 4EVER!!!." Role Models: Jeff K., Lester, Suicide from Ski Patrol Blood Type: B+

Johnny Smash is currently pursuing his lifelong dream: To thrash the planet. He dropped out of high school to practice every extreme sport he could think of, from well-known events like extreme snowboarding and bungee jumping to more obscure activities like axe fencing and bear taunting. For a short time, he was on the ESPN2 X-Treme Team, and he was the first person ever to be kicked off for being too hard core. If asked about it, he will claim not to care, and that "Those guys weren't real, anyways. I'm real."

But in reality, he was devastated by this loss. He found a pack of arctic wolves to be raised by, except the climate just didn't cut it, so he relocated to the Australian Outback, and took the wolves with him. This made the wolves very angry... but he figured being raised by a pack of confused and angry wolves, completely out of their element, was much better than being raised by content wolves. How he was ever reintroduced to society remains a mystery.

Q'ah Sociopolitical Analyst Current Residence: Giza, Egypt Education: Studied the Sacred Tomes of the Ancients, and earned an Honorary Ph.D. from IOU. Birthday: March 15 Favorite Color: Black A Quote: "Behold, heathen, for eternal vengeance shall be the will of Q'ah!" Role Models: Das Evil Head, Sephiroth, the members of Iced Earth Blood Type: AB-

Q'ah originated on a plane unknown to mortal men. Originally slated to be a part of the Egyptian Pantheon, Ra and Isis bumped him off the list, since he just "didn't fit in with their vision." Not discouraged, Q'ah sought a place among the Greek, Norse, Shinto, and even Christian cosmologies, but his offers were continuously declined. Eventually, he just became embittered and started off on his own, vowing to seek retribution for... well, for everything.

Although he really doesn't have very many followers, he still uses his cosmic influence to avenge just about anyone and anything that happens to be available. His critics tell him that two wrongs will never make a right, but to them he solemnly replies, "I'm not in this to right wrongs. This is personal. And it is the will of Q'ah."