== An IdHOP Christmas Carol ==
                         Chapter V: Conclusion

                      The following events occur
                    between 3:00 AM and 4:00 AM on
                     the morning of Christmas Eve.

                       Events occur in realtime.

[Ky is sitting back in his room, but he's not playing Civ 3 at the
moment since he just got back from the dark future or something.  In
fact, he's taking a good look at the Civ 3 button and he's really
tempted to start up another game, when a little mouse scurries up from
behind his desk and under his monitor.]

Ky: Awww, it's an itty bitty mouse!

[The mouse then stands up on his hind legs and begins to talk.]

Mouse: Why, hello there.  I hope after what you've seen tonight, you've
rediscovered the true meaning of Christmas.

Ky: Awww, he's so cuuuuute!  Itty bitty mouse!  Awwww....

Mouse: Are you hearing a single word I'm saying, kid?

[Out of the corner of his eye, Ky sees through the window that it's
*finally* snowing.]

Ky: Cool!  Snow!  It's about time!

[Ky picks up the little talking mouse and heads outside.]

Mouse: Hey, put me down!  I'm trying to have a serious intellectual
discussion with you about the spirit of Christmas.  Are you listening
to me?

Ky [holding the mouse right up to his face]: Itty bitty fuzzy squishy
mouse!!!

[The mouse just sighs, resigned to his situation for the time being.
Ky builds a small snowman in his front yard, and then heads off towards
downtown.  Ky walks through the town (which hasn't been bombed out),
seeing nothing reminiscent of the things that the spirits have shown
him this night.]

Ky: How wonderful!  I never thought I'd be so thankful to see plain old
everyday life again...  And it's finally winter!

[He continues to walk through the city, and comes to one of the parks,
and casually starts to walk through it.  As soon as he sets foot on
park grounds, six police cars and the really big fire engine with a
ladder that reaches to twice the height of the city's tallest
freestanding structure spring to life and surround him.]

Police officer #1: You're under arrest!  Put your hands on top of your
head!

[The mouse squeaks, jumps out of Ky's hands, and scurries away.]

Police officer #2, on Walkie-Talkie: We have a suspect fleeing the
scene heading north, send backup.  Roger that.  I copy.  10-4.  Bogey
on your six.  Alpha Seven Niner out.

Police officer #1 [holding a gun]: Hey, buddy, don't you know better
than to walk into a park after hours in a town where the police have
absolutely nothing better to do?

Ky: I--

[Police officer #3, the typical "Bad Cop", walks up to Ky and bitch
slaps him, while Police officer #1 handcuffs him and throws him in the
back of a police car.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the park, an
armored vehicle drives up, three Navy SEALs jump out, grab the talking
mouse, and put him in a cage, and drive off.]


[Cut to a scene of Ky's house.  A couple police cars drive onto his
lawn, and break through his window.  We hear some noises of things being
broken, and a minute later we see the policemen coming back out the
window and stealing the family Christmas tree.  One of them kicks the
head off of Ky's snowman on his way out.  They stuff the tree into the
back of their car and peel off.]


[Cut to the police station, where Ky gets thrown into a cell, and the
mouse's cage gets placed in the cell next to him.  To avoid having a
continuity flaw, Ky notices that Glen is in the cell across the hall.]

Ky: Glen?  What are you in for?

Glen: Jaywalking across my own driveway.  Sorry, I would have been to
your place hours ago if these bitches actually had something better to
do than arrest people on Christmas Eve.

Ky: Ah, no problem.  Some things kinda came up last-minute anyway.

Glen: Bummer.  Well, Merry Christmas!  [gives the thumbs up.]

Ky: Same to you! [returns the thumbs up.]

[fade out.  digital clock ticks 3:59:58 ... 3:59:59 ... 4:00:00]

                     = The End.  Merry Christmas! =

The Interdimensional House of Pancakes gives special thanks to the
following people, parties, and abstract concepts:

 - All those people whose intellectual property we blatantly ripped off
   for not suing us silly
 - That one guy who signalled before changing lanes that one time
 - The Wretched Undead
 - Alex McLeod (but not Paige Davis)
 - My Pet Bunny
 - The University of Wisconsin at Washington County
 - Bucky and Satchel
 - J.R.R. Tolkein
 - The people of Gryrnu
 - Bernoulli's Law
 - King Fucker Chicken
 - My Peeps from the South Side
 - Mr. Dog
 - Largo and Piro
 - Quad Damage
 - The Mad Phat Lincolns
 - Chocolate, because chocolate is yummy
 - Lightsaber fights
 - The Dozenal Society of Great Britain
 - Ritualistic Blood Vengeance
 - gamenet.gr
 - Your Mom
 - Hormel Foods
 - Johan DeMeij
 - Dwight Batey, Director of Telecommunications
 - The Klingon Empire
 - Dr. Seuss
 - The announcer from Crazy Taxi
 - Trintercal
 - Boron
 - The Key Grip from Jurassic Park III
 - The Gaming Intelligence Agency
 - The Demons that rule Music Land
 - Ancient Runes
 - Din, Farore, and Nayru
 - Zeratul
 - Toho Pictures, Inc.
 - Stravinsky
 - Rodney's Funscreen
 - And, of course, You!