Hi! Yumiko here, bringing you an IdHOP News special feature: "Thrash The Vote to the X-TREME!!!" (don't look at me, the name was Johnny's idea, and we still had to trim it down a bit). In the studio right now, we have John McCain, who dropped out of the race back in May or something. He told me he had something to say or something, I don't know. Before I'm going to let you talk, though, I have a question to ask you. What do you say about the speculation that you would have done better in the primaries had you changed your name to "Senator McPain?" JM: Senator McPain? Where the hell did you come up with that? Y: I dunno. I just thought it sounded cool. JM: Somehow, I think that would have appealed to maybe one or two voters, if that. Y: Come on, give it a little more credit. I mean, think about it. How many people would fuck with you if you had a name like Senator McPain? None! I mean, you could make one worldwide TV appearance and end international terrorism overnight. I mean, I don't think anyone would go around bombing anyone when they knew a guy named "Senator McPain" was in charge of the US armed forces. JM: Yeah, but, if I changed my first name to Senator, then, had I been elected president, I would have been "President Senator McPain," and that just doesn't make any sense. Y: I still think it's a good idea. But anyways, you had something to tell us? JM: Yeah, I just wanted to expose your readers to the political barbarism mathematically embedded in the plurality voting system currently in place, the effects of which are only magnified by a convoluted electoral college system, the original intentions of which have been utterly neglected. Y: I totally agree. But did you want to explain that more for our readers who don't know maff? Bitch? JM: No. If it's not blatantly obvious to them, they'll never get it. So that's all I've got to say, really. Y: Well, OK then. Catch you later... Stay tuned, we've got more coverage throughout the night... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi! Yumiko here, bringing you an IdHOP News special feature: "Thrash The Vote to the X-TREME!!!" OK, the polls are closed now in some parts of the country, so it's probably way too late to make the decision now. Nevertheless, we got some complaints from the Constitution Party about how Howard Phillips wasn't interviewed a few weeks ago with the rest of the gang. So, he's here with us now, and I guess I'm going to interview him. Ready to go? HP: YES! Y: So, you're from the Constitution party, right? That means your party is... pro-Constitution? HP: YES! Y: Care to elaborate? HP: NO! Y: Alright then. Any views on Abortion? HP: NO! Y: "NO!" as in you're pro-life, or "NO!" as in you don't have any views to share? HP: YES! Y: You're being really helpful tonight, bitch, you know that? HP: NO! Y: Very well... moving on... How about gross misinterpretations of the second amendment that cater to special interest groups? HP: YES! Y: Well, what about crime? Do you like crime? HP: NO! Y: Do you fancy Asgon's Tregariasis? HP: NO! Y: Ever consider changing your party name to the "Boolean Party?" HP: NO! Y: Well, that's all I have for now. You wanna add anything? HP: NO! Stay tuned... more coverage throughout the evening... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi! Yumiko here, bringing you an IdHOP News special feature: "Thrash The Vote to the X-TREME!!!" OK guys, you're not going to beleive this. Johnny is in the studio as we speak... and he has written a *song* about Election 2000 that he wants to sing for you. Take it away, Johnny... YEAH!!!!! OK, I'd like to give props to my peeps for keeping it Real. Now put your hands in the air y'all, for THRASH THE VOTE 2K 2 THE X-TREME YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! YEAH!!! YOU CROSS ME, AND I'M GONNA CAP YOU IN THE FACE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE REVOLUTION IS HERE. THE REVOLUTION IS HERE! THE REVOLUTION OF PAIN! WHERE WILL YOU BE??? I'LL TELL YOU WHERE YOU'RE GONNA BE!!!!!! YOU'RE GONNA BE THE FIRST ONE UP AGAINST THE WALL!!!!!!!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! J: So, what did you think, Yumiko? Y: Uhh, I don't think I'm quite ready for your sound yet, Johnny. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but, did that song have nothing to do with the Election? Or anything, for that matter? J: Well, no, but at least it's REAL!!!!! Y: Sure. Stay tuned, if you want... we'll have more coverage later on... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi! Yumiko here, bringing you an IdHOP News special feature: "Thrash The Vote to the X-TREME!!!" Well, it looks like Gore almost won the pivotal state of Florida, but unfortunately for him, Florida fell victim to several natural disasters such as Hurricanes, Fires, and Communists, and is now back in the "Too close to call category." Things will balance out, however, as the state of Texas, which Bush has won, has just been deemed "Too incompetent to function as anything, much less a state." We'll see how everything plays out... Now, I know what you're all thinking... what is an election coverage without a little sociopolitical analysis? We have Q'ah in the studio to talk about the implications of this election so far. Take it away... Behold, the word of Q'ah. Mark my words, mortals, for there is one you have all forgotten, who shall reap his revenge. Nay, I speak of no third-party candidate, but of one who had fallen in battle four years ago. Yes, I speak of Bob Dole -- be fooled not by his incessant incantations of his own name like a confused pokémon, for I have seen the future, and Bob Dole shall reap his revenge. He shall rise from the valley of the defeated and slay all who stand in his way, and claim his place on the throne of the masses, calling out his own name to all across the land: "Bob Dole, Bob Dole; Bob Dole Bob Dole Bob Dole." Behold, it is the will of Q'ah. Stay tuned... there may be more... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi! Yumiko here, bringing you an IdHOP News special feature: "Thrash The Vote to the X-TREME!!!" Alright, folks, here's our grand finale. And I've taken personal measures to make sure that it's good. I've really spared no expense to get some good guests, even if they weren't exactly... willing... That's right folks, The presidential candidates have been kidnapped by a ninja. Are you a bad enough dude to read the transcript? A: This is an outrage! What the hell good are the secret service people that have been following me around for 8 years if they can't thwart a sole ninja? W: Yeah, you know, I'm a little pissed, too. You just wait, ma'am, until we get back to the states and I can administer some Texas style justice on you. Y: Shut up, bitches. Both of you. You're on my turf now. And you play by my rules. It's Yumiko Club, if you wish. And the first rule of Yumiko Club is that you do not talk about Yumiko Club... blah blah blah... And finally, if this is your first night at Yumiko Club, *you have to fight*. Now, have either of you been to Yumiko Club before? A: Umm... yeah, actually I was. Once I get back to the time machine, I will have been, that is. Y: I'll take that as a no. Now, choose your weapons... W : Whoa. I'll need guns. Y: Guns? Guns? What a fucking cop-out. There are no guns in Yumiko land. But wait... yes, this one would be perfect for you. That stupid Gun-Blade from Final Fantasy 8. How 'bout you, Future Boy? A: Where I come from (the future), we had plasma death cannons. Do you have one of those? Y: Nope, sorry. How about the Gauntlet from Quake? No, wait, you don't get a choice. Oh, and just to spice things up, I've invited the Russian Nuclear Threat into the ring to take pot shots at the both of you. A: What? The Russian Nuclear Threat? W: I told you we should have nuked the bastards. Y: ROUND 1 -- FIGHT! A: You're going down, bitch. W: Your overconfidence is your weakness. A: Your faith in your constituents is yours. W: YAH! How does this damn thing work? A: HAHA! DENIED. Time to die. W: Wait a second... Hey, Yumiko, how do I work this thing? What is it, something with R1? When am I supposed to press it? This is too hard for me. A: Y: HUMILIATION. A: Chatty bitch should get on IRC if he wants to talk. Y: ROUND 2 -- FIGHT! A: Ha HA! W: There! Got it! A: Ow! Hey, that hurt. W: Eat this, bitch! A : It is time for me to call upon the secret move which I had learned in the far future. The move we were taught as children to fend off the bugs. The JODO KAST KICK! A: Yeeehah! Y: RINGOUT. Y: FINAL ROUND -- FIGHT! Russian Nuclear Threat: YEAH! A: I've had enough of this. Tonight, George W., you shall die, and I shall feast upon your heart. W: Tough talk, big guy. I shall make your skull a goblet, from which I shall drink your blood. Oh, and heads up, by the way. W: Looks like I just won. Y: Not yet. You need visual confirmation. W: The man was hit by a Nucular Weapon, miss, I think I have won, now may I go now? Y: NO! A: VICTORY IS MINE. Y: Hold your horses... ... How does the fight end? Only *YOU*, the voters can decide!!! (yeah, I know, lame cop-out... so shoot me... catch you later!)