Highlights

Sphere Hunter defeats international diamond thief
Payne, notorious sphere hunter and member of the Gullwings, on a side-quest for some cold hard cash, ran afoul of notorious diamond thief Lucy Diamond -- who nobody before had ever fought... and lived [dun dun dun!!]. Fortunately for the sphere hunter, Lucy found her incredibly attractive and tried to flirt with her instead of attacking her -- Paine, however, kept her focus on violence and kicked Ms. Diamond's ass a few different ways.

Dalmascan Princess solves bandicoot problem
Ashe, responding to a post on a job board that someone wanted to pay someone to kill 12 bandicoots for some contrived reason or another, found her way to the Wumpa Islands, where she found some goofy looking thing, killed it just to put it out of its misery, and then later found out that it was, in fact, Crash Bandicoot that she had just offed.

Polecats gang leader killed; authorities cite textbook road rage
Ben Throttle, along with his other fellow Polecats, were riding their motorcycles down Highway 9, when they came across The Halberd, the airship owned by the star warrior Meta Knight, parked alongside the road in the middle of the desert. Ben and the gang thought it would be cool to ride their motorcycles all over it, but that kind of touched a nerve with Meta Knight, who flew up and slew them all without mercy.

Buck Rogers dead in fatal crash; Elastigirl suspect
Witnesses this morning say that Elastigirl, in a moment of temporary paranoia, mistook Buck Rogers, who was flying overhead, for a Nazi with a jetpack, because, really, it was kind of easy to make the mistake from a distance. Allegedly, Elastigirl reached up into the air, pulled some valves and wires out, causing the jetpack to misfire and Buck Rogers to crash to the ground.

Full Results (12 ballots submitted)
Terra Final Fantasy VI	13	Canary Rainbow Brite	8
Leela Futurama	14	Felicia Darkstalkers	2
Lola Run Lola Run	15	Izuna Izuna	3
Ashe Final Fantasy XII	13	Crash Crash Bandicoot	4
Flash The Flash	17	Vash Trigun	4
Rash Battletoads	11	Slash Guns N’ Roses	9
Cameron Terminator	22	Rachael Blade Runner	2
Boomer Battlestar Galactica	10	Bloodberry Saber Marionette J	9
Seven of Nine Star Trek: Voyager	12	Courtney Ratchet & Clank	4
Yuna Final Fantasy X	14	Vanessa Luminous Arc	2
Éowyn Lord of the Rings	15	Seong Mi-na Soul Calibur	6
Ayane Dead or Alive	11	Anibelle The Wotch	3
CJ Grand Theft Auto	12	Faith Buffy	9
Meta Knight Kirby’s Dream Land	13	Ben Full Throttle	5
Punisher The Punisher	15	Ami Machine Girl	2
Gadget Inspector Gadget	16	Melora Rasputina	3
Gruffi Gummi Bears	15	Mr. Met The New York Mets	4
WALL-E WALL-E	14	Julie Echo	3
Andy 40-Year-Old Virgin	11	Mouth Darkwing Duck	7
George & Oscar Arrested Development	10	Bald Bull Punch-Out!!	9
Simba The Lion King	14	Mr. Krabs Spongebob	2
Bunny O’Justice Killer Bunnies	10	Ariel The Little Mermaid	9
Green Arrow Green Arrow	12	Scorpion Mortal Kombat	11
Squirtle Pokémon	11	Elora Spyro the Dragon	4
Rand The Wheel of Time	10	Little Prince The Little Prince	6
Raistlin Dragonlance	14	Richard Rahl The Sword of Truth	3
Ender Ender’s Game	11	Elric Elric of Melniboné	6
Conan Conan	13	Moon Knight Moon Knight	7
Elastigirl The Incredibles	15	Buck Rogers Amazing Stories	3
Adama Battlestar Galactica	14	Napoleon Napoleon Dynamite	6
The Godfather The Godfather	15	Curly The Three Stooges	5
Tyler Fight Club	12	He-Man Masters o/t Universe	10
Man With No Name A Fistful of Dollars	19	Favre Green Bay Packers	2
Payne Final Fantasy X-2	15	Lucy D.E.B.S.	2
May/Walsh U.S. Volleyball	12	Bliss Whip It!	3
Starbuck Battlestar Galactica	11	Domino Domino	5
Dr. Horrible Dr. Horrible	12	Skeletor Masters o/t Universe	11
Ridley Metroid	10	Composite Santa Robot Chicken	7
Dr. Doom Fantastic Four	20	Tron Bonne Megaman Legends	2
Kirby Kirby’s Dream Land	14	Cpt. Hilts The Great Escape	8
Dr. McNinja Dr. McNinja	9	Aslan Chronicles of Narnia	7
Jayne Firefly	10	Rorschach Watchmen	9