Highlights

The Black Phazon Crystal... It must be Doom’s!
Victor von Doom, seeking to incorporate the power of phazon into his own arsenal, found his way upon the Frigate Orpheon, met Ridley in head-to-head combat as Doombots occupied the other space pirates on board. And while Ridley did have some pretty sweet moves, Doom handily defeated him by bitch-slapping him with his gauntlets repeatedly.

Lion Escapes from Theme Park, mauls local man in electronics store
Authorities confirm the cause of death of Andy Stitzer in the local SmartTech electronics store where he worked was indeed the brutal mauling of the lion known as “Simba” who escaped from a theme park earlier this week.

Witch of Immolation defeats runt demon; shocked world shurgs and asks “who?”
Demon girl Anibelle, intrigued by the rumors of the Lapistier, found herself dimension-hopping into Lethe Forest where she was detected and ambushed by Vanessa, the Witch of Immolation and immediately dispatched with a scythe that was bigger than the both of them combined.

Tragedy strikes Citi Field
While enjoying a baseball game with his niece and dog, Inspector Gadget, while trying to reach across ten seats to grab three hot dogs from a vendor, inadvertently launched his patented “Go-Go Gadget Decapitation Fist,” which sailed onto the field and knocked mascot Mr. Met’s head clean off.

Kirby Defeats Aslan in Long-Awaited Rematch
Eight years ago, Kirby faced Aslan in Fight Fest and was narrowly defeated. What Aslan hadn't counted on, however, was the Kirby had already copied Aslan's Jesus-allegory power, and thus, today, Kirby rose from the dead and roared and stuff and Aslan was all like, "WTF," and died.

Full Results (16 ballots submitted)
Terra Final Fantasy VI	13	Felicia Darkstalkers	5
Leela Futurama	10	Izuna Izuna	6
Lola Run Lola Run	20	Canary Rainbow Brite	6
Vash Trigun	13	Crash Crash Bandicoot	5
Flash The Flash	22	Slash Guns N’ Roses	10
Rash Battletoads	13	Ashe Final Fantasy XII	10
Cameron Terminator	18	Bloodberry Saber Marionette J	6
Boomer Battlestar Galactica	12	Seven of Nine Star Trek: Voyager	11
Courtney Ratchet & Clank	14	Rachael Blade Runner	3
Éowyn Lord of the Rings	17	Yuna Final Fantasy X	10
Ayane Dead or Alive	11	Seong Mi-na Soul Calibur	10
Vanessa Luminous Arc	6	Anibelle The Wotch	4
Faith Buffy	13	Meta Knight Kirby’s Dream Land	10
Punisher The Punisher	13	Ben Full Throttle	8
Ami Machine Girl	12	CJ Grand Theft Auto	5
Gadget Inspector Gadget	22	Mr. Met The New York Mets	4
Gruffi Gummi Bears	13	Julie Echo	8
WALL-E WALL-E	24	Melora Rasputina	0
Bald Bull Punch-Out!!	17	Mouth Darkwing Duck	6
George & Oscar Arrested Development	16	Mr. Krabs Spongebob	4
Simba The Lion King	13	Andy 40-Year-Old Virgin	9
Scorpion Mortal Kombat	14	Bunny O’Justice Killer Bunnies	13
Green Arrow Green Arrow	16	Elora Spyro the Dragon	5
Ariel The Little Mermaid	11	Squirtle Pokémon	8
Raistlin Dragonlance	14	Rand The Wheel of Time	5
Elric Elric of Melniboné	10	Richard Rahl The Sword of Truth	5
Ender Ender’s Game	18	Little Prince The Little Prince	2
Elastigirl The Incredibles	19	Conan Conan	6
Buck Rogers Amazing Stories	17	Napoleon Napoleon Dynamite	9
Adama Battlestar Galactica	15	Moon Knight Moon Knight	7
He-Man Masters o/t Universe	22	Curly The Three Stooges	6
Tyler Fight Club	19	Favre Green Bay Packers	7
Man With No Name A Fistful of Dollars	21	The Godfather The Godfather	7
May/Walsh U.S. Volleyball	12	Lucy D.E.B.S.	6
Starbuck Battlestar Galactica	15	Bliss Whip It!	7
Payne Final Fantasy X-2	17	Domino Domino	5
Dr. Horrible Dr. Horrible	14	Composite Santa Robot Chicken	6
Dr. Doom Fantastic Four	15	Ridley Metroid	10
Skeletor Masters o/t Universe	19	Tron Bonne Megaman Legends	7
Kirby Kirby’s Dream Land	17	Aslan Chronicles of Narnia	12
Rorschach Watchmen	17	Dr. McNinja Dr. McNinja	9
Jayne Firefly	14	Cpt. Hilts The Great Escape	11