Highlights
The Black Phazon Crystal... It must be Doom’s!
Victor von Doom, seeking to incorporate the power of phazon into his own arsenal, found his way upon the Frigate Orpheon, met Ridley in head-to-head combat as Doombots occupied the other space pirates on board. And while Ridley did have some pretty sweet moves, Doom handily defeated him by bitch-slapping him with his gauntlets repeatedly.
Lion Escapes from Theme Park, mauls local man in electronics store
Authorities confirm the cause of death of Andy Stitzer in the local SmartTech electronics store where he worked was indeed the brutal mauling of the lion known as “Simba” who escaped from a theme park earlier this week.
Witch of Immolation defeats runt demon; shocked world shurgs and asks “who?”
Demon girl Anibelle, intrigued by the rumors of the Lapistier, found herself dimension-hopping into Lethe Forest where she was detected and ambushed by Vanessa, the Witch of Immolation and immediately dispatched with a scythe that was bigger than the both of them combined.
Tragedy strikes Citi Field
While enjoying a baseball game with his niece and dog, Inspector Gadget, while trying to reach across ten seats to grab three hot dogs from a vendor, inadvertently launched his patented “Go-Go Gadget Decapitation Fist,” which sailed onto the field and knocked mascot Mr. Met’s head clean off.
Kirby Defeats Aslan in Long-Awaited Rematch
Eight years ago, Kirby faced Aslan in Fight Fest and was narrowly defeated. What Aslan hadn't counted on, however, was the Kirby had already copied Aslan's Jesus-allegory power, and thus, today, Kirby rose from the dead and roared and stuff and Aslan was all like, "WTF," and died.