Highlights

Hutt Crime Boss Killed in Jidoor-Area Opera House
Jabba the Hutt, according to sources close to the slug, had travelled to an Opera House near Jidoor with the intent of abducting the opera singer Maria for use as slave entertainer in his palace in Tatooine. Jabba did not know, however, that Maria's impromptu understudy, a former Imperial general named Celes Chère, was performing in her stead that night.

When Celes came on stage and began to sing her lines, she heard a grotesque "ho ho ho ho" laugh eminating from a hideous beast watching from the balcony. She tried to ignore it and play her part in the opera, but as she had learned her lines only moments before, the laugh was really breaking her concentration, so she drew her sword, and hurled it, spinning furiously, at Jabba, who was sliced to bits. The crowd thought it was all part of the show, and applauded her as she finished her musical number.

Algren Battles Magua on Japanese Battlefield
Magua, determined to avenge his fallen comrades, swam across the Pacific Ocean to Japan and challenged Captain Nathan Algren to battle.

"Before we fight, though," asked Algren, "I'd like to know one thing. Why does Magua hate the grey hair?"

"When the Grey Hair is dead, Magua will eat his heart," Magua replied. "Before he dies, Magua will put his children under the knife, so the Grey Hair will know his seed is wiped out forever."

"I asked 'why,'" retorted Algren, "not 'how much,'" as he stabbed Magua in the face with a katana.

Grimace Consumes Mr. Bucket in "Goofiest Battle Ever"
Mr. Bucket, who was left in a McDonald's Playland, was picked up and swallowed whole by The Grimace today. The only onlookers to the fight were a handful of terrified children using the playground equipment.

"Why, Mommy, Why? Why is Grimace eating Mr. Bucket," one little girl sobbed as her mother shielded her eyes.

Grimace declined to comment following the match, but close friend Mayor McCheese told our reporters that Grimace developed his insatiable hunger for motorized plastic toys after mistakenly eating the surprise prise inside of a Happy Meal.

Full Results (20 ballots submitted)
Gollum Lord of the Rings	19	Tetsuo Akira	18
Anima Final Fantasy X	17	Voldo Soul Calibur	6
Medusa Greek Mythology	20	Zasz Starcraft	11
Raphael Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles	22	Rikimaru Tenchu: Stealth Assassins	8
Snake Eyes G.I. Joe	15	Kasumi Dead or Alive	12
Miho Sin City	16	Taki Soul Calibur	15
Wolverine X-Men	32	Taz Looney Toons	8
Red XIII Final Fantasy VII	20	Bucky Get Fuzzy	13
Bowser Super Mario Bros.	24	Big Bad Wolf The Three Little Pigs	9
The Prince Katamari Damacy	15	Shuma-Gorath Dr. Strange	14
Domokun Japan	18	Jones Johnny Mnemonic	11
Fruit Fucker Penny Arcade	21	Chuck Decap Attack	10
Birdo Super Mario Bros.	24	Ozma Marvelous Land of Oz	8
Ranma Ranma 1/2	15	Hedwig Hedwig and the Angry Inch	10
Flea Chrono Trigger	23	Larson Venus Envy	4
Leia Return of the Jedi	23	Gau Final Fantasy VI	15
Celes Final Fantasy VI	19	Jabba Return of the Jedi	18
Wicket Return of the Jedi	20	Locke Final Fantasy VI	17
Jack Sparrow Pirates of the Carribean	33	Hook Peter Pan	5
Lady Sin El Cazador	13	Tetra Zelda: The Wind Waker	12
Westley The Princess Bride	21	Cervantes Soul Calibur	12
Sméagol Lord of the Rings	26	Ling Ling Drawn Together	7
Fygar Dig Dug	23	Satchel Get Fuzzy	9
Bond James Bond	28	Badtz Maru Hello Kitty	6
Yautja Predator	19	Gort The Day the Earth Stood Still	12
River Firefly	23	Sinistar Sinistar	9
Khan Star Trek	21	Tassadar Starcraft	14
Algren The Last Samurai	16	Magua Last of the Mohicans	15
The Bride Kill Bill	24	Cecil Final Fantasy IV	9
Kratos God of War	25	Pit Kid Icarus	6
Aeon Aeon Flux	13	Arden Lyn Masters of Teräs Käsi	9
Joanna Perfect Dark	11	Kim Kim Possible	9
Sydney Alias	15	Katchoo Strangers in Paradise	10
Gordon Half-Life	24	Nikki Operation: Mindcrime	7
Doc Ock Spider Man	18	Prof. Chaos South Park	11
Preston Equilibrium	17	Huey Boondocks	16
Hagrid Harry Potter	21	Jadis The Chronicles of Narnia	11
Santa The North Pole	16	Fin Raziel Willow	12
Sora Kingdom Hearts	18	Anne The Wotch	4
Black Knight Monty Python and the Holy Grail	20	Walker Walker, Texas Ranger	16
Grimace McDonald’s Commercials	17	Mr. Bucket Mr. Bucket	8
Eddie Chain Reaction	12	Heliotrope Pastel Defender Heliotrope	11
Elvis Elvis Presley	24	iPod Dancer iPod Commercials	11
Furby Furby	16	Captain EO EPCOT Center	14
JFK US President	32	Tony Saturday Night Fever	4