Highlights

King of the Koopas found dead in Canadian wilderness
Bowser, the King of the Koopas, was found dead and mutilated somewhere in the middle of Canada last night. Though the cause is still speculative, forensic analysts say that his shell must have been cut by an incredibly strong metal. Certain US Senators have linked this incident to a "mutant" threat that they say "must be stopped before they kill us all." As for the identity of the killer, police have only a single report where a witness saw a figure with totally out-of-control hair wearing bright yellow spandex in the area shortly after the time of the attack.

Grammaton Cleric Eliminates South Park Supervillian
John Preston, Grammaton Cleric First Class, was sent on a mission to South Park, Colorado, to terminate Professor Chaos, whose zany antics were deemed to be a threat by the state of Libria. Though Professor Chaos had an elaborate scheme set up to stop him involving freezing the world by leaving his refrigerator and freezer door open, Preston's Gun Kata style prevailed over his diabolical plans.

Tetsuo defeats Voldo in "Very Icky Battle"
Tetsuo Shima, world-renowned pulsating evil blob, was confronted in the streets of Neo-Tokyo by Voldo, slave to Vercci, the Merchant of Death, who had been released to yet again search for the evil soul blade. We know that Tetsuo emerged victorious from the fight, but reporters have been unable to find any details of the fight itself, as all would-be on-lookers said that the very idea of those two fighting was just too gross and that they didn't care to watch.

Full Results (21 ballots submitted)
Gollum Lord of the Rings	22	Zasz Starcraft	13
Medusa Greek Mythology	26	Anima Final Fantasy X	11
Tetsuo Akira	16	Voldo Soul Calibur	11
Rikimaru Tenchu: Stealth Assassins	19	Miho Sin City	12
Snake Eyes G.I. Joe	14	Taki Soul Calibur	13
Raphael Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles	24	Kasumi Dead or Alive	9
Wolverine X-Men	28	Bowser Super Mario Bros.	8
Red XIII Final Fantasy VII	20	Big Bad Wolf The Three Little Pigs	12
Taz Looney Toons	23	Bucky Get Fuzzy	11
Shuma-Gorath Dr. Strange	18	Fruit Fucker Penny Arcade	15
Domokun Japan	22	Chuck Decap Attack	7
Jones Johnny Mnemonic	18	The Prince Katamari Damacy	13
Birdo Super Mario Bros.	27	Larson Venus Envy	3
Flea Chrono Trigger	15	Ranma Ranma 1/2	12
Ozma Marvelous Land of Oz	14	Hedwig Hedwig and the Angry Inch	9
Leia Return of the Jedi	28	Locke Final Fantasy VI	12
Wicket Return of the Jedi	19	Jabba Return of the Jedi	16
Celes Final Fantasy VI	12	Gau Final Fantasy VI	9
Jack Sparrow Pirates of the Carribean	25	Cervantes Soul Calibur	13
Westley The Princess Bride	28	Lady Sin El Cazador	10
Tetra Zelda: The Wind Waker	21	Hook Peter Pan	9
Sméagol Lord of the Rings	24	Badtz Maru Hello Kitty	10
Bond James Bond	28	Fygar Dig Dug	9
Ling Ling Drawn Together	17	Satchel Get Fuzzy	13
Tassadar Starcraft	15	Yautja Predator	14
River Firefly	21	Khan Star Trek	17
Gort The Day the Earth Stood Still	16	Sinistar Sinistar	10
Pit Kid Icarus	15	Algren The Last Samurai	12
Kratos God of War	22	Cecil Final Fantasy IV	12
The Bride Kill Bill	21	Magua Last of the Mohicans	12
Aeon Aeon Flux	17	Sydney Alias	13
Katchoo Strangers in Paradise	10	Kim Kim Possible	9
Joanna Perfect Dark	13	Arden Lyn Masters of Teräs Käsi	8
Gordon Half-Life	23	Huey Boondocks	14
Preston Equilibrium	17	Prof. Chaos South Park	10
Doc Ock Spider Man	20	Nikki Operation: Mindcrime	11
Hagrid Harry Potter	39	Anne The Wotch	2
Santa The North Pole	18	Sora Kingdom Hearts	14
Jadis The Chronicles of Narnia	18	Fin Raziel Willow	10
Walker Walker, Texas Ranger	27	Heliotrope Pastel Defender Heliotrope	7
Grimace McDonald’s Commercials	17	Eddie Chain Reaction	14
Black Knight Monty Python and the Holy Grail	33	Mr. Bucket Mr. Bucket	5
Tony Saturday Night Fever	16	iPod Dancer iPod Commercials	15
JFK US President	33	Captain EO EPCOT Center	4
Elvis Elvis Presley	27	Furby Furby	13