Highlights
“Tricksy Bucketses was after my precious, it was!”
Mr. Bucket -- who had been sent to Middle Earth as part of a care package intended for the victims of the dragon Smaug, was torn to pieces by the creature Gollum. Gollum had apparently interpreted Mr. Bucket's zany antics not as family fun for everyone, but rather as an attempt to "steal my precious," and then started clawing, biting, and stomping on the motorized toy.
When asked to comment following the match, Gollum shrieked incoherently and then ran and hid in a corner.
Cecil confronts inner demons, toy demon
Cecil Harvey, dark knight in the service of the King of Baron, was on board one of the Red Wings airships, contemplating the ethics of his latest orders, when a small, beaked menace fell from the sky on deck. The Furby began babbling in a demonic tongue, and Cecil knew he was face to face with true evil. After regaining his sanity, and being pecked in the face for about 20 minutes, Cecil built up the willpower to face this darkness, slew the foul creature, and cast it overboard.
MI6 reports success in eliminating “Sinistar” threat
Just days after the British Secret Intelligence Service released a report indicating that small red worker drones were mining asteroid fields in an attempt to create a cackling superweapon known as "The Sinistar," they have announced that the threat has been taken care of, single-handedly, by an agent identified only as "007."
“I am Kratos, and I will murder the Salem, Pennsylvania Underground Street Fighting Champion.”
These memorable words came from a press conference Kratos held this past Thursday announcing his intent to confront and kill Salem, PA high school student Larson Degado. Kratos arrived on the scene as Larson was talking with classmates Zoë and Lisa. The fight lasted mere moments -- caught off-gurad, Larson managed only to get off a glancing blow before being utterly smacked down by the Blades of Chaos.
Black Knight confronts Medusa
The Gorgon Medusa, sick of just hiding out somewhere, decided to go off and wander the world. Soon, she crossed paths with a Black Knight who sought to impede her journey.
“None shall pass,” threatened the Black Knight.
Medusa turned to address him, and he was turned to stone. Thinking she had won, she proceeded down the pass when she heard the Black Knight call out again: “Oh, oh, I see, running away then.”
Confused, Medusa called back, “But you're turned entirely to stone!”
“Am not,” the Black Knight denied.
“All right, try to move then,” challenged Medusa.
After a brief pause, the Black Knight taunted back, “I've had worse.”
Medusa, disbeleiving, shouted, “You liar! What are you gonna do, fall on me?”
And he did.